Remembering Love
by Shonetta
Summary: Post-Endgame. Voyager's return brings unexpected resolutions. J/C.
1. Chapter 1

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

**Remembering Love**

**Chapter One**

From the window of her luxurious high-rise apartment in San Francisco, Kathryn watched as rain fell over the busy city. It had rained almost continuously since Voyager had got home, but Kathryn didn't mind. Rain was only to be expected in winter. All that mattered was that they were home. Even now, six weeks after their triumphant return, Kathryn couldn't quite believe they'd made it. Any moment she expected to wake up and find out everything was only a dream, or for Q to appear and tell it was all some kind of elaborate joke. But Q did not appear and she did not wake up. Life just kept on rolling. Everyone else was feeling the same, she was sure of it, as adjusting back to life on Earth after so many years in space was going to take time. Some weren't even going to try to adjust. A surprising number of her crew had already found themselves posts on soon to depart Starfleet ships. The biggest surprise of all was Tal Celes. The Bajoran had been offered a research post on an exploration vessel and had accepted without hesitation. After seven years of constant attack by hostile aliens, she felt that life on any other starship was bound to be a walk in the park. And she was right, at least in thinking no other space adventure ever could be as challenging as their adventures in the Delta Quadrant. They'd seen and experienced things no one had ever seen and experienced before and never would again.

In that way, the challenge of space was over, and that was part of the reason Kathryn had accepted promotion to the admiralty. Another reason was the fear, the fear that would always be there at the back of her mind, that if she captained another vessel they'd get stranded again. The responsibility she'd borne on her shoulders over the last seven years had been suffocating at times and she couldn't go through it all again. Not that she was sorry they'd got stranded, quite the contrary, she was glad of all they'd experienced and very proud of all they'd accomplished, but the burden she'd carried had been a heavy one and she was glad to be free of it. But never had she imagined how hard it would be to say goodbye to everyone, especially to those she'd been closest too. Hardly a day had gone by in seven years when she hadn't seen Chakotay, The Doctor, Tom, Tuvok, Harry and B'Elanna, but now she was lucky to see them at all. Chakotay was with Seven in Sweden; The Doctor was busy attending prestigious medical conferences; Harry was spending time with his family and former fiancé, Libby; and Tom and B'Elanna were busy settling into their new home with baby Miral.

The one person she was missing above all, however, was Chakotay. For seven years he'd been at her side, her one constant in an inconstant existence, and living without him was agony. He had been her best friend, her companion and confidante, and she'd meant what she said all those years ago, that she couldn't imagine a day without him. But now she not only had to imagine it, she had to live it. Whatever Chakotay had felt for her in the past, he no longer did. Or rather, the passionate love he had once felt for her had diluted to platonic friendship. It was Seven he was in love with now, Seven he wanted, and she had to accept it. She had to say goodbye to the dream she'd long dreamed of them having a life together when they got home. For on long lonely nights on Voyager, she had allowed herself the fantasy, allowed herself to indulge in a love she at all other times had to deny. But she had loved him, truly and deeply, and she loved him still.

Suddenly, the door chime played. Surprised, as she wasn't expecting any visitors, Kathryn turned to the living room door.

"Come in!"

The door, which was gold and large, slowly slid open and Kathryn saw that her visitor was Seven. The former drone, who no longer wore catsuits, was casually attired in a woolly green jumper over tight fitting black trousers, and her long hair was loose over her shoulders.

"Seven," Kathryn smiled. "This is a surprise. Please...come in."

Seven entered, but looked around anxiously as she did. "Are you alone, Admiral?"

"I am," Kathryn replied, somewhat used to Seven's abrupt greetings. "And remember, it's Kathryn now. We're no longer in a command structure."

"Maybe not, but I prefer Admiral."

"As you wish, but its terribly formal between friends." She gestured to the couch. "Please, sit. Make yourself comfortable. Can I get you a drink?"

"No, thank you," Seven said, sitting. "I'm not here to socialize. I'm here because I'm concerned about Chakotay."

Kathryn tensed at these words and sat opposite the ex-borg. "Concerned? What's happened?"

"He is displaying uncharacteristic behavior."

"How do you mean uncharacteristic?"

"When I tried to end things between us tonight...this afternoon to you...he became aggressive."

"In what way?"

"He tried to rape me."

Kathryn's eyes widened the size of saucers. "Rape you? Chakotay?"

"As I said, uncharacteristic behavior. When I told him it was over between us, because I no longer wish to be romantically involved with him, he told me it would never be over, that he was never going to let me go. Then he tried to rape me, saying it was time we took things further, that he'd been patient long enough. I was able to fight him off, because of my superior strength, but if I had not been able too, then he would have raped me."

For a long moment Kathryn was silent, then she spoke. "You're right, this isn't Chakotay. He'd never do something like this."

"I came straight here," Seven went on. "I didn't know what else to do."

"And you did the right thing. I'll take care of it. I'll call the Doctor, tell him what's happened, and we'll take things from there."

"Do you think we should inform Starfleet Command? If Chakotay is under some kind of alien influence, we all may be too, as whatever's happened to him must have happened in the Delta Quadrant."

"Yes, we'll have to inform Starfleet Command. Now that we're home, we can't always do things our way. But let's get the Doctor here first. You need to be examined."

"I'm fine."

"Maybe," Kathryn answered, "but I'd rather hear that from The Doctor."

* * *

"Some bruising, sprains and strains," The Doctor said as he examined Seven half an hour later, "but nothing's broken. You were very lucky. Chakotay is a very strong man, even against a Borg."

"What do you think happened?" Kathryn asked. "Why do you think Chakotay has suddenly become violent?"

"I have no idea," he replied, "but I mean to find out."

"What's your plan?" Seven asked.

"Why, the oldest in the book. I mean to examine him."

"He may not comply," Kathryn said, "not if he's possessed or under mind control. Now that you've examined Seven, I'll inform Admiral Paris so Chakotay can be captured and detained in a secure unit. Then you'll be able to examine him."

"But if we inform Starfleet Command," The Doctor cried, "and I am unable to find the cause of Chakotay's personality change, he may be prosecuted for attempted rape!"

"Only if Seven presses charges, which she won't. And you will be able to find the reason for his change, I'm sure of it."

"But, Admiral..."

"No buts. Whatever's going on with Chakotay, he's a danger to himself and to others. He has to be detained. I'll inform Admiral Paris and then we'll transport to Starfleet Headquarters." She turned to Seven. "Are you with me, Seven?"

The former drone nodded. "I am."

* * *

By the time Kathryn, Seven and The Doctor reported to Admiral Paris's office, Chakotay was in custody.

"Wow," Kathryn said when Admiral Paris told them the news. "I'm impressed."

"It wasn't difficult," the old man replied, "as he was unconscious in his hotel room."

At this, The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "When you said you'd fought him off, Seven, I didn't think you meant you'd knocked him out."

"It was the only way I could escape," she answered.

"What happens now?" Kathryn asked. "May our doctor examine him?"

"Yes," the Admiral replied, "but the Commander will also have to be examined by two other doctors. One prior to your doctor's examination and one after it. This is standard procedure to prevent manipulation and corruption of results. The first examination is taking place right now and should end shortly. In the meantime, I will need to take a statement from each of you about this incident."

* * *

The three independent examinations took much longer to complete than the statements, and it was with agony that Kathryn waited with Seven for news in Admiral Paris's office. She had no doubt that they would find the cause of Chakotay's alteration, but she feared what that cause was. What if he wasn't under alien influence? What if he was ill? There was a history of mental illness in his family, and while the gene had been suppressed in him, suppression was never an absolute guarantee that the condition would not occur. And if he was ill, what then? Would he ever be the same Chakotay again? But no, she was getting ahead of herself, letting fear mount upon fear. She had to stay calm, had to think positive. There was every chance his personality change was the result of alien influence.

At last, after two hours of waiting, Admiral Paris returned to his office. Kathryn hoped his face would give her some indication of the news before his mouth spoke it, but it was impossible to tell from his disciplined features whether he bore good news, bad news, or no news at all.

"I'm happy to say the examinations are over," he said, breaking into a smile, "and that the doctors are in consensus."

Kathryn, who had stood up as soon as her superior and former mentor entered, spoke urgently. "What's the verdict?"

"As we suspected, the Commander's personality change is due to alien influence. In fact, sophisticated memory manipulation. Our doctors were unable to determine when or how this occurred, but your doctor pinpoints it to an incident that happened a few months ago, when you and your crew were abducted by aliens, subjected to mind altering surgery, and put to work on their planet."

"But Chakotay wasn't abducted," Seven said. "He was part of our rescue."

"Yes," Kathryn replied, "but he _was_ captured and operated on. Who knows what they did to him."

Admiral Paris spoke now. "Your doctor will no doubt be able to give you more information that I can, but at the moment he's attempting to reverse the damage done. He takes full responsibility for the Commander's condition, and for his behavior, as he says he failed to provide the Commander with adequate care at the time."

"With all due respect to The Doctor," Kathryn said, "he had over a hundred people to treat. He did his best in very difficult circumstances."

"I don't doubt it. He's a remarkable doctor and his achievements over the past seven years are astounding. We will, however, have to examine all of you who were abducted, just incase there are more cases of incomplete treatment."

"Of course," Kathryn replied. "And there may well be. A few of my crew claim to have ongoing problems as a result of the surgeries performed."

"I fear I may be one," Seven said. "I have not been quite myself since Quarren. I have found myself desiring romantic relationships with an urgency I have never had before. Perhaps the aliens enhanced my sexual drive so I would chose a mate and procreate. In an underpopulated civilization like theirs, it is imperative that as many women of childbearing age procreate as is possible."

"That certainly could be the case," Kathryn agreed. "But let's just wait and see. It's perfectly natural to desire a romantic partner and your recent longings may just be the result of your recovering of your humanity." She turned back to Admiral Paris. "How long will Chakotay's surgery take?"

"Perhaps hours," he answered. "The Doctor suggests you both go home. You've done all you can for Chakotay."

"I'll wait," Kathryn said. "But you go home, Seven. It's late in Sweden and you need to rest."

"Very well," she replied. "But I want The Doctor to contact me as soon as he's finished operating."

"We'll make sure of it," Kathryn reassured her.

"In the meantime," Admiral Paris said, "I must ask you both not to discuss this case with anyone. Tomorrow we will send out a medical summons to every crew member and will inform them what it's about when they arrive. We don't want the media getting a hold of this. They'll make a supernova out of a flare."

Seven spoke. "But surely B'Elanna should be informed. She and Chakotay are friends. She should know he is in surgery."

"To what end?" Admiral Paris asked. "There's nothing she can do for him. Why worry her? No, I'll tell her tonight when I get home."

"But..." Seven protested.

"Admiral Paris is right," Kathryn said. "There's no point worrying B'Elanna. She's got enough on her plate with Miral."

"I disagree, but I'll abide by your decision," Seven stated. "I won't speak of this to anyone."

"Thank you," Admiral Paris said. "And thank you for coming to me with this."

"Yes," Kathryn said, putting her hand on the former drone's shoulder. "Thank you for being open about this, for trusting me."

At this, Seven gave a wan smile. "There's no one I trust more."

* * *

While she waited for news on Chakotay, Kathryn retreated to her office. It was a grand one on the top floor and was amongst the offices of Starfleets most decorated admirals. The office still wasn't quite finished, as she wasn't due to start work for another six weeks, but it had a desk, a chair, a couch, a computer and a replicator. During the wait, Kathryn went through four cups of coffee and was just about to replicate a fifth when the door chime played. Kathryn opened the door in person, needing to do something to keep herself from going crazy, and she came face to face with The Doctor.

"Doctor," she said, "at last. How's Chakotay?"

"Recovering," he answered, stepping into her office. "He'll have a headache for a few hours, and will be disorientated, but by the morning he should be back to his old self...his old, old self."

"That's wonderful news," Kathryn smiled. "Well done, Doctor."

"Hardly," he replied. "If I'd done my job properly in the first place, none of this would have happened. Who knows how many others are walking around only half themselves because of me. Maybe even you."

"You did your best, Doctor. You had over a hundred people to treat. Don't be too hard on yourself."

"Then don't you be soft on me. I failed the Commander, and I've no doubt failed others too."

"You haven't failed anyone, Doctor. It's thanks to you that we were able to recover our former lives."

"But I should have assessed the Commander more carefully, especially when things were done to him that were not done to the rest of you. I shouldn't have treated him once and then never. No wonder he's been acting strange lately."

"If it's any consolation," Kathryn said, "I didn't notice anything different about him. He seemed to me the same Chakotay he's always been."

"Really? His infatuation with Seven? His rejection of his vegetarian diet? The signs were there, Admiral, but I missed them!"

"Seven's a very attractive and intelligent woman. Why wouldn't Chakotay have feelings for her?"

"Because you know why, Admiral. He's only ever had eyes for you. Do you think none of us ever noticed? No, I should have guessed something was wrong when he was suddenly in love with Seven."

"Chakotay and I did have feelings for each other once," Kathryn admitted, "but that doesn't mean he still does. Just because his memory was tampered with, doesn't mean his attraction to Seven isn't genuine. He may still be in love with her."

"As likely as he is to be still eating meat tomorrow! The surgery he was subjected to was intended to radically alter his personality. How else would they get him to betray us? Well, they succeeded!"

"It's easy to see signs with the benefit of hindsight," Kathryn reasoned. "It's harder in the moment. I didn't even know Chakotay had stopped being a vegetarian. This is the first I've heard of it, and we've dined together many times since Quarren."

"If I remember correctly, Admiral, Chakotay hasn't dined with you more than half a dozen times in the last six months. He's been too busy entertaining Seven."

"That's hardly fair, Doctor. Our dinners had to be canceled because of emergencies. That was hardly unusual. But Chakotay obviously hasn't been himself since Quarren and now we know why. Let's not blame ourselves, it will achieve nothing. Let's just concentrate on supporting him now."

"Well, all I can say is that it's a good thing Seven no longer wants him as he definitely won't be wanting her. She's had enough grief in her life, she doesn't need a broken heart."

"Let's just hope Chakotay doesn't have one," Kathryn said sincerely. "As I said, his feelings for her may be real. He did marry her in the Admiral's timeline."

"Yes, but maybe this condition was never detected. She said he was never the same after Seven's death. Well, maybe he was just never the same after Quarren but no one ever noticed. We can't second guess a future we know little about and will never happen now."

"All the same, there's a chance he will still be in love with her. We won't know until tomorrow." She couldn't let herself hope that he wouldn't be in love with her, that he would remember a former love, because to hope, only to have that hope dashed again, would hurt too much. "And, talking of Seven, she's eager to know how the operation went. Will you contact her? I promised her you would."

"Right away. I'll also schedule her in for an appointment. Who knows, maybe she's only half there too. You'll also need to be examined, Admiral. How about tomorrow, 9:00 hours? I may aswell start at the top."

"9:00 hours it is."

"Then I'll see you then. Now, go home, Admiral. There's no point staying here. Chakotay isn't allowed visitors until the morning."

"Then I'll be off," Kathryn said. "But remember what I said, Doctor, you mustn't blame yourself for this. You did your best and no one can ever do more than that."

"Sometimes the best just isn't good enough. I just hope Chakotay can forgive me."

"He won't, because there's nothing to forgive. You've always done your best by all of us, and none of us would be alive today if it wasn't for you. At some point over the last seven years you've saved all our lives. So, don't blame yourself for Chakotay not having been himself for the past few months, thank yourself that he's alive to be himself for the rest of his life. I mean it, Doctor. We couldn't have survived the Delta Quadrant without you. We all owe you our lives."

The Doctor's dull eyes brightened at these words. "I suppose," he said, "when you put it like that, I do have more to be proud of than ashamed. My successes do far outweigh my failings, far outweigh them. When I think of all the extraordinary things I did on a daily basis, that to me had become quite ordinary, I truly must acknowledge myself as a walking medical marvel."

"Absolutely, Doctor," Kathryn smiled. "Always be proud of your achievements, because I, and every other member of our crew, certainly am."

END OF CHAPTER ONE


	2. Chapter 2

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

**Remembering Love **

**Chapter Two**

Chakotay was up and about when Kathryn arrived at Starfleet Headquarters' sanatorium the following morning. He was casually dressed in a beige shirt over brown pants and looked like he was just about to leave. When he saw Kathryn, he smiled in welcome, but his eyes were sad.

"Hi," he said quietly.

"Hi," Kathryn replied. "About to leave, I see."

"Yes. The Doctor says I can."

"Where are you going?"

"To see Seven. I need to. I need to apologize. The Doctor told me what happened and...I need to see her."

"I understand," Kathryn said. "But you mustn't hold yourself accountable for what happened. You weren't yourself."

"I know. But I'll feel better once I've spoken to Seven. I'm just glad she came to you, that she knew me well enough to know I'd never do something like that."

Kathryn stepped closer. "Of course she knows it, Chakotay. We all do."

"Thank you too...for believing in me."

"No need to thank me, Chakotay. I know what you are, and that's a kind, gentle, loyal man." Tears filled her eyes. "I should have seen that you haven't been yourself since Quarren. I let you down and I'm sorry."

Chakotay lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You've never let me down, Kathryn. Time was never your own on Voyager. You hardly had time to eat. Observing and analyzing my behavior wasn't your responsibility. If I wasn't quite myself, well, there were times when all of us were different."

"That's true. I certainly went off the deep end every now and then. The Delta Quadrant challenged us, and changed us, in so many different ways." She paused. "But I did notice a growing distance between us over the last few months. I just, well, when I found out about you and Seven it all kind of made sense."

Chakotay opened his mouth to speak, but before he had the chance, The Doctor came in.

"Ah, Admiral," he said. "Remember you have an appointment with me at 9:00 hours. Incase you're not time keeping, that's in approximately ten minutes."

"I'll be there," Kathryn replied.

"I hope so. I have a full schedule today. After you I'm examining Tom and B'Elanna, then Tal Celes, and then Samantha and Naomi Wildman. I have already examined Seven, she insisted on it last night, and she was right. Her sexual drive had been increased to encourage her to seek out a mate. I suspect, given your sudden involvement with Jaffen, that you were tampered with in the same way. I failed to notice it as I was concentrating only on memory manipulation and this is quite different. I doubt the procedure was done on everyone, as they wouldn't want half their new workforce to take maternity leave, but I'm guessing it was done on all those with low libidos and those over a certain age. It was done on you too, Commander, which no doubt explains your romantic involvements of late. It would also explain why I've had to dish out more interspecies relations certificates than usual. Of course, I won't name names as that would be a breach of doctor/patient confidentiality."

"That's quite alright," Kathryn smiled, "as I'm not fishing for any. There's such a thing as too much information."

"This procedure," Chakotay said. "Can you reverse it?"

"Oh yes," The Doctor answered. "And I already have...on you, that is. I did it last night while you were sleeping. The effects were starting to wear off, anyway, at least on Seven...which no doubt explains why she wanted to end things with you. In a way I'm sorry her behavior was not natural, because now she's reverted to her usual celibate self, but in time I'm sure she'll reach the stage of desiring romantic relationships again."

"By which time you're hoping her eyes look your way," Kathryn teased.

The Doctor almost blushed. "A hologram has the right to dream, Admiral. Never deny a hologram a dream."

"I wouldn't dream of it," she smiled. Then she turned to Chakotay. "What are your plans after you've spoken to Seven?"

"To find myself somewhere to stay here in San Francisco," he replied.

Kathryn was about to say he could stay with her, but The Doctor got in first.

"Oh, there's no need for that," he said. "You can stay with me and Reg Barclay. There's plenty of room and, no offense to Reg, but I could do with some sane company."

Chakotay hesitated, but then smiled. "Thank you, Doctor. That's very kind of you."

"Not at all, Commander. After what I've put you through, it's the least I can do." He turned to Kathryn. "Now, Admiral, we'd better make a move if we want to keep our appointment."

"We certainly better," she agreed.

"I'll go on ahead and get everything prepared. You follow."

"Ok, Doctor. I'll be right there."

The Doctor left and the door closed behind him.

"I don't envy you," Kathryn said to Chakotay, "staying with The Doctor and Reg."

"I don't envy myself," Chakotay smiled.

"I was going to say you could stay with me, but The Doctor beat me to it."

"Regretfully. And, it being him, I couldn't say I'm allergic to cats."

Kathryn laughed. "No, you couldn't."

Their eyes locked as they gazed at each other, and Kathryn could hardly breathe, but then she sadly looked away.

"Well, I'd better get going. Good luck with Seven."

She turned around and headed for the door, but before she reached it, Chakotay called after her.

"Kathryn..."

Slowly, almost reluctantly, Kathryn turned back to him. "Yes?"

"Will you have dinner with me tonight? The Rosamere at 19:00 hours?"

Kathryn's sad eyes lit up and she smiled. "Yes...I'd love to."

Chakotay smiled in return, dimples showing, and then Kathryn went on her way.

* * *

The Rosamere was a stylish restaurant on the San Francisco coast and Kathryn arrived there early. She was elegantly dressed, wearing a blue velour jacket over a matching gown, and her usually bobbed hair was now short and sleek. Although she had dined with Chakotay countless times on Voyager, and was more comfortable with him than she was with anyone else, she was nervous as she waited for him in the lobby. This was the first time that she and Chakotay were truly socializing outside a command structure and that was both terrifying and exhilarating. Now she had no defenses to hide behind, no barriers, for they were meeting just as a woman and a man. That made her vulnerable and being vulnerable was always hard for her. But, at the same time, that vulnerability opened up new possibilities. It opened up the possibility she had dreamt of for years, the possibility of a future together for her and Chakotay. Maybe that moment, that moment that had seemed out of reach for so long, was finally upon them.

Yet, while part of her hoped that Chakotay would take her in his arms and declare his undying love, another part of her dared not to hope. It had been five years since they'd been stranded on New Earth, five years since Chakotay had told her in an ancient legend that he loved her, and a lot had happened in those five years. As she sat there waiting, she had no idea what the night would bring, but somehow, someway, she wanted to tell Chakotay how she felt. She _had_ to tell him, even if it cost them their friendship, because maybe there would never be another chance. Offers were already being made to him to captain ships, aswell as offers of positions on deep space archaeological expeditions, and if he accepted any of them, it could be years before they saw each other again. She couldn't let him go without telling him that she loved him. If she did, she would regret it for the rest of her life.

"Good evening, Ma'am."

The voice was Chakotay's and Kathryn turned in the direction of it. As she did, she saw Chakotay standing before her, smartly dressed in a white suit with a black shirt, and she thought he'd never looked handsomer.

"And to you," she smiled as she got to her feet.

"I love your hair," he said. "You look amazing."

"Thank you. You look mighty fine yourself."

Chakotay smiled. "Thank you, Ma'am." He then fell serious. "How did your examination go?"

"Fine. I was fine. Tom and B'Elanna too. If my 'romantic instincts' were heightened, they've gone back to normal now. I'm the same me I've ever been."

"I'm glad to hear it." He then offered her his arm. "Care to come with me, Ma'am?"

Kathryn linked her arm with his. "Don't mind if I do!"

Chakotay led her to what was clearly a transporter and she questioned curiously. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he smiled. He then pressed a button and a computer voice spoke. "Stand by for transport."

In seconds, a blue transporter beam engulfed them and they dematerialized.

* * *

When they rematerialized, Kathryn found herself standing on the deck of a luxurious yacht. Above her a black sky twinkled with stars and a diamond moon shone brightly. The air was icy, but the familiar lake before them was as still as a picture and looked absolutely glorious in the moonlight.

"Oh Chakotay," Kathryn exclaimed. "Lake George!"

"The real deal," he smiled.

Kathryn stepped closer to the railing, grabbed it, and gazed out in rapture at the glittering black water and silhouetted landscape.

"I've dreamed of being here a million times," she said. "Of being here with you. And I can't believe that I actually am. But I am. I can feel it, can feel the air, the cold, and they feel real...alive."

"I've dreamed of us being here too," Chakotay said. "Of drinking real champagne and eating real strawberries. Although, I have to say, in my dreams it was warmer."

"In mine too," she smiled. "But this is heavenly, Chakotay. Just heavenly!"

"The boat is ours for the weekend. So, if you want, you can stay tonight. There are two bedrooms, both ensuite."

"Oh I want," she said, turning back to him. "Right now, I feel like I never want to leave!"

Chakotay laughed.

"Everything is so perfect, so beautiful. I want to freeze this moment in time forever."

"I don't know about time," Chakotay teased, "but if we stay out here much longer _we'll_ certainly freeze."

"Yes," she laughed. "We just might."

Chakotay unlocked a grand mahogany door and then held it open.

"Step inside, Ma'am. Dinner awaits."

Kathryn stepped through the door and found herself in a cozy room that was sumptuously decorated. Mahogany wainscoting covered the walls, rich red curtains adorned paneled windows, colorful rugs graced the wooden floor, and in the middle of the room was an ornate round gold table. Mock white candles burned on the table, casting a golden glow all around, and silver dishes sat amongst sweet smelling flowers.

"Oh Chakotay," she said as he closed the door behind them. "How wonderful!"

"It's all authentic, 2120."

"Everything?" Kathryn asked. "No replicators or sonic showers?"

"None. Up to roughing it?"

Kathryn laughed, remembering their conversation on New Earth. "I'll do my best." She then went over to the table and lifted the lid on a dish. "Oh, Spahetti bolognaise with dorinian sauce. My favorite." She then looked up at him playfully. "Not from 2120 too, is it?"

"No," he smiled. "Handcooked by me in 2379."

Kathryn lifted up another lid and gave a delighted sigh. "Ooohhhh, coffee and walnut gateaux! You're spoiling me, Chakotay!"

"You deserve it," he smiled. "Now, may I take your jacket?"

"Just one more question," she said, stepping away from the table. "The bolognaise, is it vegetarian?"

"No," he joked, "it's made with Klingon mince. I killed one in battle earlier."

Kathryn slapped his arm. "Oh you. I take it then it is? Vegetarian, I mean?"

"Yes. I'm totally myself again."

Kathryn smiled, both relieved and happy at this news. "Then take my jacket, Sir, and let's get eating. I'm starving!"

Chakotay laughed and helped her take off her jacket. Then he took off his and they sat opposite each other.

"Before we begin," Chakotay said, picking up a bottle of champagne that was resting in a gold ice bucket, "let's make a toast."

"Yes lets," Kathryn agreed. "To us, the Voyager years, and to new beginnings."

Chakotay opened the bottle and they laughed as white frothy bubbles rained down upon them. Then he filled up their elegant crystal glasses and they tapped them together.

"To us," he said, "the Voyager years, and to new beginnings."

* * *

"I can't remember when I last ate so much," Kathryn said as she dipped a fourth strawberry in coffee cream. "Two helpings of bolognaise, two slices of gateaux, and now strawberries... I'm going to have to work out for a month."

Chakotay laughed. "We can start on Monday, if you like. We always said we'd like to ski on Mount Everest when we got home. How about it?"

"Sounds great to me," Kathryn smiled. "In fact, why don't we stay a few days? We could book ourselves a log cabin and go skating and swimming too...indoors, of course."

"I hope so," he laughed.

"It will be wonderful, Chakotay. Really..." She was going to say 'romantic' but stopped herself just in time. "Relaxing."

"I don't know about that," he teased. "But it all sounds great. Let's do it."

"Then it's settled. We're doing it. What do you fancy, Chakotay? A cabin by a lake or a grand slope with a magnificent view."

"The view, definitely."

"Me too. Nothing quite like sitting on a balcony looking out at a winter wonderland. I've done it many times. My parents always took me and Phoebe on skiing holidays when we were little and our hotel room always had a balcony. Heated, of course, or we'd have frozen to death. But I'm guessing log cabins have heated ones too."

"Mostly," he smiled.

"And speaking of heating," Kathryn continued, "is it me, or is it getting cold in here?"

"It is a bit," Chakotay agreed. "I'll turn up the heating."

"While you do that, I'll make us a coffee. I need my fix."

Chakotay laughed. "You've just had coffee gateaux and coffee cream with those strawberries."

"Not the same," she said. "Got to have the liquid." She raised an eyebrow. "This place does have a coffee machine, right?"

"I'm afraid not," Chakotay replied, an amused twinkle in his eyes. "Coffee here is hot water from a kettle with instant granules."

"A kettle?" Kathryn exclaimed. "I haven't used one of those since Aunt Martha threw a Victorian tea party when I was a teenager!"

Chakotay laughed. "I'm happy to say it's a bit more advanced than Victorian...and a replica, so no rusty pieces. But if you have trouble figuring it out, give me a shout."

"I certainly will, Sir," she saluted him.

When she was gone, Chakotay went over to a corner of the room and fiddled with the central heating control.

"Boy, Chakotay," Kathryn cried from the kitchen, "it's freezing in here!"

"Unfortunately, it soon will be in here too," he said, stepping away from the control. "The central heating's shutdown."

Kathryn returned from the kitchen. "Shutdown? Why?"

"I don't know. There must be a problem. It's set to automatically shutdown as a safety precaution."

"Maybe we can figure out what the problem is and fix it."

"I'm sure we could, but it's against the rental rules. All repairs must be made by professionals. If we violate the terms, we may be banned from renting again."

"I see," Kathryn said. "Is there any secondary heating?"

"Yes. There's a small portable battery heater. I doubt it will generate much heat, though."

"Enough to keep us warm, I'm sure."

"For a while, but it's almost subzero outside. The temperature in here will drop pretty fast. We'd better call it a night."

"Not me," Kathryn said firmly. "This place is a little paradise and it will take more than a broken heating system to drive me out. As long as we have some heat, I'm staying. We are supposed to be roughing it, remember?"

"Yes, we are. But I don't want you to catch hypothermia."

"Hardly. I'm an Indiana girl. I'm used to the cold. So, get that portable heater out and I'll get us coffee."

"Yes, Ma'am," he smiled.

* * *

By the time Kathryn had finally figured out how to operate the kettle, and had made them both a smoking hot cup of coffee, the portable heater was warming up the lounge.

"There's a bit more heat in it than I expected," Chakotay said. "I..."

But before he could finish his sentence, the heater went up with a bang and a puff of smoke.

"Damn," Chakotay said. "I guess it was just an ornamental antique."

At this, Kathryn laughed heartily and had to put down the tray in her hands. "I'm sorry," she said, sitting on a red velvet couch. "I just...it's too funny."

"I suppose it is," Chakotay said, laughing too. "But what will we do now?"

"I'll call my sister, ask her to transport us some heaters. Don't know why I didn't think of that before."

"Great idea. Do it."

Kathryn tapped her personal commbadge, which was round and silver, and tried to call her sister...but there was no reply.

"Strange," she said. "My sister's definitely in range as she's at home all night, home being Bloomington. There must be a glitch or delay in the system. I'll send her a message. She's bound to get it sooner or later. In the meantime, we'll just have to make do. It's not freezing in here yet!"

She made and sent the message to her sister and then picked up a cooling cup of coffee.

"I know you like yours with cream and sugar," she said to Chakotay, "but I couldn't find either."

"Black is fine," he said, picking up his cup. "It's actually what I drink now."

"Really?"

"Yes," he smiled, gazing into her eyes. "It reminds me of you."

Kathryn smiled in return and their eyes locked, but then Chakotay broke their connection and turned to the portable heater.

"I'll take this down deck," he said. "Get it out of the way."

As he took the heater down deck, Kathryn finished her coffee and then put on her jacket. Without any heating, the room's temperature was indeed falling fast, and she was starting to feel very cold. She could only hope Phoebe would receive her message and come good with the heaters.

"Keeping active helps keep the body warm," Chakotay said when he returned. "Dance with me?"

"I'd love to," Kathryn smiled.

"Then let's have some music."

He turned on an old fashioned music system and beautiful classical music filled the room. Chakotay then put on his jacket, as he too was starting to feel the chill, and held out his hand to Kathryn. She took it and he drew her into his arms. Kathryn could hardly breathe as his arms wrapped around her and her heart pounded wildly. As they gazed at each other, all she wanted to do was close the gap between them and kiss him gently, but she did not. Instead, she lay her head on his shoulder and let herself melt into him. Softly they danced, a gentle waltz that was more like a lullaby, and Kathryn lost all sense of time and place. She didn't even notice when the dancing stopped. All she wanted was stay in his arms forever. Then Chakotay's words broke the spell.

"You're shivering," he said. "Let's get you a blanket."

It was true, she was shivering, but in the magic of his closeness, she hadn't even noticed. Chakotay opened a cupboard, pulled out a black fleece blanket, and brought it over to her.

"This should do the trick," he said.

Then, before she knew it, the blanket was over her shoulders and Chakotay was sitting her down on the couch. Then he was sitting beside her, his arm around her.

"If your sister doesn't send the heaters soon," he said, "I think we should leave. We can do this another time. Next weekend, maybe."

"No," Kathryn protested. "Another time isn't this time and I...I don't want it to be ruined. Phoebe will come through for us, I know she will."

"If she gets your message, no doubt. But maybe she won't get it. There are severe snowstorms all over."

"She will...she must." Tears filled her eyes. "It was all so perfect, Chakotay. I don't want it to be over. There's so much that I...there's so much I need to say to you."

"Then say it," he urged gently. "I'm listening."

Kathryn looked into his eyes, his kind dark eyes, and tried to say the words she had longed to say to him for years, but she couldn't. They just seemed to stick in her throat.

"I can't," she said, turning away as a tear ran down her cheek. "I can't."

Chakotay took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. "Then show me."

At this, Kathryn turned back to him and saw the invitation again in his eyes. Slowly, tearfully, she closed the gap between them and kissed his lips. The kiss was soft, brief, but the moment seemed to last forever. As she drew away, Kathryn could hardly bring herself to look at Chakotay, incase she saw rejection in his visage, but when he opened his eyes, there was only love and joy in them. Then his hand was on her cheek and his thumb was wiping away her tears.

"I love you too," he said. "I've always loved you, and I always will."

"Really?" she whispered. "You still love me?"

"With all my heart."

Tenderly, he drew her against him and Kathryn leant into him as they cuddled up on the couch.

"I thought I'd lost you," she said tearfully. "That it was too late for us."

"Never. There's no one for me but you, Kathryn. Whatever those aliens did to me, they changed the very core of my being, made me forget who I was. But I remember now, and I remember who I love, and that's you, Kathryn. Just you."

Kathryn smiled. "Even though I'm stubborn, controlling, and have made your life hell at times?"

"I like a woman who knows her own mind," he replied, kissing her hair. Then he fell serious. "But that's what love is. It's about seeing the best of each other, the worst of each other, and still wanting each other. We've seen the worst of each other, but we've never really seen the best. We've never had the chance. But we do now. We have the rest of our lives. And I want to spend mine with you, Kathryn."

A tear trickled down Kathryn's cheek. "I want to spend mine with you too. But I'm scared, Chakotay. I'm scared of loving you only to lose you." Her voice fell to a whisper. "I don't want you to captain ships in deep space or go on long expeditions. I want you with me, beside me, as you've always been."

"Then that's where I'll be," he said.

Kathryn raised herself to look at him. "But are you sure? I don't want to stand in the way of your dreams, to stop you doing what you've always wanted."

"What I've always wanted," he said, "is you."

"But..."

"No buts. I've been offered a teaching post at The Academy and I'll accept it." He gently brushed his fingers against her cheek. "I've waited seven years to be with you, Kathryn. The last thing I want is to fly off into deep space."

Kathryn took his hand in hers. "I'll make you happy, Chakotay. I promise I will."

"You already do," he said. "I just want to make you happy. You sure deserve to be."

"I am. Right now, I'm blissfully happy." She smiled, eyes sparkling. "Cold, but happy."

Chakotay laughed and then kissed her hand. "I'm getting unbearably cold too. How about we abandon ship and start our Everest vacation early? "

Kathryn was about to say what a great idea that was, when a blue transporter beam filled the room and three silver portable heaters materialized.

"Well, what do you know!" Chakotay laughed. "Good timing!"

"That's Phoebe, for you. Always there in the nick of time. Thank you, sister!"

Chakotay switched on one of the heaters and warm air rose out of it.

"Oh heat," Kathryn exclaimed. "Heavenly heat! Now all I need is..."

"A coffee," Chakotay finished.

"A coffee," she laughed. "Could you?"

Chakotay smiled and kissed her forehead. "One hot black coffee coming right up."

He then left the room and Kathryn happily warmed herself over the heater.

THE END


End file.
